The perfect player.............

Check out the link

PERFECT PLAYER

Some dubious choices there:

Brain - Dimitar Berbatov - eh?

Set-pieces - David Beckham - ok

Movement - Thierry Henry - do they mean pace?

Turning - Robin van Persie - hmmmm. NO

Finishing - Ruud van Nistelrooy - could be anyone of a dozen strikers

Strength - Didier Drogba - Blow and he falls down

Explosiveness - Fernando Torres - explosive. What does that actually mean?

Balance - Zlatan Ibrahimovic - most overrated footballer since David Platt

Dribbling - Lionel Messi - the man has 'sticky' feet. Ball stuck to them

Heading - Cristiano Ronaldo - Ronaldo is there for........heading?

Tricks - Robinho - not sure about this

Some serious omissions. What a shit player that can't PASS. What about TACKLING? MENTAL STRENGTH.

Load of Michael Ballacks if you ask me.

FFL Week 12

Keep stabbing those dolls boys! Blank scores are all well and good, but we need injuries and more injuries.

It was a shit week, it has to be said. Very few goals means low scores, and only 2 managers managed to break into double figures. Top of the pile was Mike (not Donald, as previously stated), with 13 points. Bottom, once again, was your increasingly fulminating chairman. Single points in 9 out of the last 10 weeks has seen my stock fall faster than an Icelandic bank's.

Still, I have solved a couple of mysteries mentioned on this blog recently. Firstly, I think I know what the fuck is wrong with Arsenal's defence after a bin-raider found a shredded message in William Gallas's garbage last week which he pieced back together. It read 'Agent Gallas. Please return to Stamford Bridge. Your mission is now complete. PK xx.' And as for the pink boots:

The scores look like this:

	FFL 2008/09 LEAGUE TABLE
Diff			Total Points
	1st	Theo	150
16	2nd	Stathi	134
18	3rd	James	132
22	4th	Nick PC	128
30	5th	Nick Ath	120
34	6th	Don	116
35	7th	Mike	115
43	8th	Sid	107

The only transfer this week was mine: Geovanni comes in for Walcott. Somebody had to do it.

Keep stabbing those dolls.

Your Chairman

Who is going to buy PINK football boots?????

Beware the FFL "bok"

Unbisteftable.

Quite expectedly having spent two weeks at the top of the FFL table I was subjected this week to the usual FFL "bok". I decided to go for the double-bluff by playing along and what happens? I switch on the TV to hear that Wes Brown is out for 5wks and William Gallas is rewarded for his honesty with the press by not only being stripped of the captaincy but dropped from the squad - probably the end of his career in the Premiership.

The smart money must say that Ronaldo + Malouda will get injuries this weekend and Adebayor will leave in the January window.

Who needs voodoo dolls when you have the power of the bok?

Like I said, unbisteftable.

Nature truly is amazing..............

and HARDCORE.



Click on the link for the world's most terrifying insects. Photos and videos as well.

OH MY GOD!

Quote:

Bullet Ant

"It's a full inch long, it lives in trees and thus can and will fall on you to scare you away from its hive - the one you didn't know was there, because it's in a fucking tree. Before it does this, it shrieks at you. This ant, you see, can shriek. It's called a Bullet Ant because its 'unusually severe' sting feels like getting shot. On the Schmidt Sting Index, Bullet Ants rate as the number one most try-not-to-shit-out-your-spine painful in the entirety of the Kingdom Arthropoda."

Theo is the champion...........

Confirmed.

We can all give up on this year's Dwight Yorke Cup

Leaked photo evidence of Theo with the trophy

Got to be RVP?

So who is Gallas talking about?

GOBBY GALLAS

Clues:

Whenever there is dresing room unrest, there is always a Dutchman nearby.

25 years old? (assuming Gallas can subtract 6 from a two digit number)

Got to be RvP

Over to you James.....................................

FFL Week 11

If the last four weeks are anything to go by, the contest is over. I could probably copy and paste the previous week's update and it would go undetected.

As you've probably already guessed, Theo top scores this week with 21 points. And as long as the point-hoarding quintet of Reina, Ronaldo, Malouda, Adebayor, and Anelka stay fit, we might as well all start buying West Brom players. If ever there were a time to bring out the voodoo dolls, it's now.

James's team is also worth a mention this week, scoring a respectable 17 and keeping up some sort of challenge. Donald has another bad week, with just 7 points, but he doesn't give a shit because he's on holiday.

And since we're almost a third of the way through the season, I though I would take the liberty of anticipating the thoughts of each manager. Consider it a pre-Christmas treat.

James: Dossena's hopeless, Modric is lightweight, Torres can't stay fit, I'm already starting to regret the Ballack sale and Delap probably won't score another point all season. On the plus side, Vidic, Young and Nasri are scoring regularly, and Bent's recent form is promising. When am I going to win this fucking competition?

Mike: Cole, Ferdinand, Berbatov and Robinho are pulling their weight. SWP better get his act together though, and I don't know why I'm still holding on to Rosicky and Alonso. How the fuck am I bottom? And what the fuck is up with Arsenal's defence?

Theo: Who needs a defence when you've got Ronaldo, Adebayor, Malouda, and Anelka? Why did no one go for Malouda and Anelka? Why do I keep buying James Milner? And what the fuck is up with Arsenal's defence?

Donald: Why am I still bothering? Elano's not playing, Jo has seemingly died, and Jagielka and Given might as well play facing their own goal. Thank God for Terry and Lampard.

Sid: Gerrard, Bentley, Downing, Barry, Drogba, van Persie...great on paper, shit on a spreadsheet. And after such a promising start too. Why haven't I made any transfers? And what the fuck is up with Arsenal's defence?

Stathi: Top for a long time, but a little disappointed. Deco is playing too deep, Rooney gets his points in batches, Skrtel's injury has cost me at least 12 points and I don't know why I bought Joe Hart. Still, Ireland was a good buy. Why did I get rid of Osman for Riera though? And what the fuck is up with Arsenal's defence?

Nick PC: What has happened to Fabregas? Delap's got more fucking points than him. I bet Zaki won't score again until 2009 and Cole will probably play another 5 games this season. And what the fuck is up with Arsenal's defence?

Your chairman: And it was all looking so good to begin with. Cech, Carvalho, Santa Cruz, and Yakubu can't seem to stay fit, and Diouf is the biggest cunt that's ever worn a pair of boots. Why do I play this game if all it does is make me moan? And what the fuck is up with Arsenal's defence?

Anyway, enought of that nonsense. Here are the points:

	FFL 2008/09 LEAGUE TABLE
Diff			Total Points
	1st	Theo	144
17	2nd	Stathi	127
20	3rd	James	124
27	4th	Nick Ath	117
28	5th	Nick PC	116
35	6th	Don	109
40	7th	Sid	104
42	8th	Mike	102

There were no transfers this week.

A bientot,

Your Chairman

I don't make up stereotypes..............

I just observe them:

NOT AGAIN

FFL Week 10

What a difference a couple of weeks makes. If any FFL season testifies to the wisdom that transfers are the key to winning FFL championships - last season aside, of course - it's this one. And Theo has pulled off yet another masterstroke in the signing of Anelka last week. You have to wonder why it took so long for a manager to sign the FFL's top scorer so far this season in arguably the best side in the Premier League. With Malouda in Theo's team too, and playing regularly, there are sacks of points on the way there.

It's no surprise, then, that Theo tops the scoring charts yet again this week, jointly with James. Both scored 11 and they are within 14 points of each other. Nick PC's poor form sees him score a paltry 3 this week; that's 14 over the last 3 weeks, and his challenge is fading fast.

Interestingly, of the 6 players who scored a brace this week - Anelka, Tuncay, Nasri, Bent, Keane, and Saha - only 2 were in FFL teams. I found it interesting, anyway. So here are the scores [drum roll]:

	FFL 2008/09 LEAGUE TABLE
Diff			Total Points
	1st	Theo	123
6	2nd	Stathi	117
14	3rd	Nick Ath	109
14	4th	James	109
21	5th	Don	102
24	6th	Nick PC	99
30	7th	Mike	93
31	8th	Sid	92

There were 2 transfers this week. Mike picked up Ballack, discarded last week by James, for Palacios. And James delved into the transfer market again this week for the in-form Darren Bent, ditching Crouch (or crouching Ditch).

On we roll to Week 11...

Your Chairman

FFL Week 9

Apologies for the delay this week, but I had the small matter of fatherhood to attend to. If you don't already know, Leon was born on Tuesday 4 November at 11.02am and weighed 6lbs. He's getting less ugly by the day too, which is an enormous relief to all.

To more important matters now. Double-weeks tend to make or break seasons and this one was as spectacular as they get. The chief beneficiaries were Theo and Donald, with 39 and 35 points respectively. To put it into context, the next-highest score was James's 14. New signing Florent Malouda contributed 9 points to Theo's score with the redoubtable Ronaldo scoring 4 goals - 12 points. It's no surprise that Theo now holds top spot, with 112 points. No less impressive is Donald's recovery to withing 15 points of the lead.

And just when he looked like threatening again, Mike drops to 2nd-bottom with just 7 points. Sid props up the table, 29 points off Theo's lead. However, don't be surprised if they're both challenging for the lead this time next week.

Oh, and happy birthday boys. Sorry I couldn't make it but I was on holiday with Pork Chops. The scores are as follows:

	FFL 2008/09 LEAGUE TABLE
Diff			Total Points
	1st	Theo	112
5	2nd	Stathi	107
11	3rd	Nick Ath	101
14	4th	James	98
15	5th	Don	97
16	6th	Nick PC	96
22	7th	Mike	90
29	8th	Sid	83

Transfers

Theo outbids James for Anelka, getting rid of Owen who's now played his 3 games for the season. However, James did manage to capture Rory Delap for Michael Ballack. Now I never thought I'd ever be typing that sentence.

Your Chairman.