FFL update....................finally!

As you have no doubt realised there was no FFL update last week since our esteemed Chairman took it upon himself to test our patience to the limit! His excuse was that he simply forgot! Anyway, this week while we are enduring a soggy Christmas and New Year period he is off to sunnier climes relaxing in Egypt – enjoy!

So, what has been happening FFL-wise? Well James, never let it be said that we are not rooting for you to be the FFL champion. As we have already stated numerous times on this blog you are the champion-elect. It is only a matter of time. The overly obese lady is currently on stage waiting to unleash her voice. Ladbrokes, William Hill and BetFred have suspended betting, the winning tape is currently wrapped around your neck and the trophy is currently being engraved. My FFL spreadsheet already has your name as 2006/07 winner – the only thing missing is the points total – I think you get the point.

Anyway, since I swapped Obafemi Martins for Robbie Keane my luck has certainly changed – must be some JN voodoo or something since the past two weeks have seen JN amass a table topping 29 points. In the slip stream is yours truly with a poor 19 and Nick PorkChops, who has risen quicker than a meringue, with 30. This has meant that 13 points covers the top three.

Below that Sid consolidates fourth place thanks in no small measure to Ronaldo who is responsible for 20 of his 25 points in the last fortnight!

The biggest score last week was McNick who has soared eagle-like from eighth to fifth thanks to a huge score of 31 from last week making it a total of 42 for the last two weeks – truly impressive.

Bottom and still detached is Stathi who has nearly HALF of JN’s points and whose players could only score 12 points in two weeks. Stath, you now must know how Aidy Boothrooyd feels like!

Here's the table

James	215
Mike	213
Nick Ach	202
Sid	189
Nick Ath	167
Donald	162
Theo	156
Rico	152
Steve	138
Stathi	109

NOTE: Can everyone PLEASE check their scores. While I have endeavoured to make sure the scores are correct, I cannot be sure due to the spreadsheet &*^@ing up on me last week!

No transfers to report.

Happy New Year everyone. May 2007 bring joy, happiness to everyone and of course to a particularly loathed part of West London I wish continued injuries, problems and an inability to mould the most expensively assembled squad in football history into a coherent, balanced team. In addition, may the ego that runs this team continue his attempts to create disharmony among those he has labelled and marginalised as 'untouchables.' Whatever do the touchables think? May the swelling of discontent continue unabated. Roll on 2007!

United Christmas do...............

You've read about it, and here is a video of the United FIRST team singing a few terrace chants! (could you see the likes of Drogba, Shevchenko and Essien doing the same?)

Click Here

Incredulous!!!!!!! - Mourinho's comments

1. It was not a dive in the first place
2. How on earth can he have the cheek / temerity / gall to accuse a player from another team of diving
3. Perfectly reasonable to do so, if like Pearce, you stand up and openly state that your team is the biggest bunch of diving cheats ever seen on a Premiership pitch
4. He's a cunt
5. I'm starting a petition to Arsenal to let Utd beat us at the Grove.............just to spite them

Top Boy.........

Francesc Fabregas has lifted the lid on his spat with former Arsenal left-back Ashley Cole, saying that the player is now forgotten and that Cole didn't show any respect to his former team mates.
Fabregas refused to shake Cole's hand after Arsenal's draw with Chelsea and there were reports for a tunnel bust-up between the two players.
The Spanish midfielder said: "For me, Ashley Cole is a closed subject. He is not a friend because after leaving Arsenal he said many unjust things about us.
"In the world of football, respect between companions is the key - and he broke this rule.
"This player is forgotten - and also the person. I do not want to speak to him again.
"I believe that Cole was very well treated by Arsenal and that his response was not correct.
"I still don't think I am a star, but a player who desires to progress each day.
"On the pitch I appear to be fragile but week by week I am ripening and will never be intimidated by anyone. Never."

FFL amendments

I've been sleeping. More tranfers to report:

Donald:
OUT: Jenas
IN: Campo

OUT: Downing
IN: Andy Reid

Sid:
OUT: Crouch
IN: Martins

Also, Donald is owed 2 more points for a Rosicky assist last week.

FFL scores

Well, what a week! Points galore for some, points aplenty for others and what's-the-fucking-point for me and Donald. As Sid's challenge fades away, a new contender enters the fray in the shape of Nick PC, after a momentous 26-point week. Who knows, this might even warrant a scribble in the comments box.

However, the big mover in real terms has to be Mike, now well in contention for his 3rd title and inducing some black magic from James. 21 points in the bag, 3 more already for next week (Petrov's goal on Monday) which translates to a lead of 9 over James. Crucial games to come tonight though.

As for the rest of us, anyone from Donald down is thinking about next season already. There's always next season...

The scores:

"FFL 2006/07
LEAGUE TABLE"

Total Points
1st Mike 187
2nd James 181
3rd Nick Ach 162
4th Sid 154
5th Donald 135
6th Theo 134
7th Nick Ath 124
8th Rico 120
9th Steve 107
10th Stathi 82

Since my purchase of Distin didn't raise a giggle, I thought I'd buy another Man City defender this week. In comes Micah Richards, out goes Aaron Hughes. Hopefully, he'll be at Chelsea in January, but you can laugh anyway.

On a brighter note, the mighty Rams are on the march. Oh, to be back in the big time.

Congratulations New Leader and Champion Elect 06-07

Nice one Mike. Well done. Congrats. You must be chuffed. As I said earlier in the week, it's in the bag, all bets are off, the bookies are paying out, the fat lady is hoarse...............

The magic of the Champions League.............

Click on the link.

LINK

One EURO! One sodding EURO!!!!

Back to norrmal: FFL Update

My PC thanks you all for the get-well cards and flowers. He's okay now after undergoing a hard-disk transplant last weekend which he hasn't rejected yet. Keep praying for him.

So, a strange week in which most people scored between 14 and 17 points (even your humble chairman). James keeps his nose in front of Mike, thanks to a bumper week for Matt Taylor and yet more points from Gareth Barry, an unlikely midfield heavyweight this year thanks to a penalty every game for Villa at the moment. Joint top scorers for the week were Steve and Rico, both with 17 points (in Steve's case, all from defence). Another sorry week for Stathi with 6 points and Sid's challenge is seriously fading with just 7 points and focal point Henry out for the busy Xmas period. So, little change in the order of things:

"FFL 2006/07
LEAGUE TABLE"

Total Points
1st James 172
2nd Mike 166
3rd Sid 144
4th Nick Ach 136
5th Donald 129
6th Theo 126
7th Nick Ath 118
8th Rico 106
9th Steve 97
10th Stathi 70


One transfer to report: my own. Finally rid of that shaven-headed dufus Senderos (thanks for the -3 pal) for Sylvain Distin. Desperate times call for desperate measures. His 3 points foll forward into next week's scores where they'll be cancelled out by United's 4 goals at the weekend.

Onwards Christian soldiers...

FFL update.........

Our esteemed chairman has had a rather unfortunate time with his computer hence why I am updating the scores. Furthermore, his team looked to have been afflicted with the inability to score any points as yet again he has scored zilch.

The gap at the top has closed thanks to a modest nine points from me and James' paltry 3. Sid wins this week's "even playing beautiful football requires you to score goals to win matches especially at grounds like the Reebok where you always get dicked on" prize but stays in third despite a score of -2.

Top score this week goes to Nick Achilleos with a monumental 16. Incidentally he and Steve were the only two managers to score double figures.

No doubt this week there will be huge scores given the midweek games!

Table

1st

James

158

2nd

Mike

150

3rd

Sid

137

4th

Nick Ach

119

5th

Donald

115

6th

Theo

111

7th

Nick Ath

103

8th

Rico

91

9th

Steve

80

10th

Stathi

64

Transfers this week:
Theo signs Malbranque and discards Milner
Stathi signs McCulloch and gets rid of Benayoun

Football chants.......

In honour of the fantastic free-kick from the otherwise anonymous Shinso Nakamura, Celtic fans have perhaps come up with the season’s best chant: “He eats chow mein and he votes Sinn Fein, Nakamura.”

However, I still like this year’s offering from the Old Trafford faithful: v Liverpool when Peter Crouch was warming up “Does the circus know you’re here?” and when he finally came on a universal scream of “FREAK” (He actually looked pissed off every time it was screamed when he touched the ball!)

A personal favourite…………

Get your nostrils,
Get your nostrils,
Get your nostrils off the pitch

(Sung to Phil Thompson in the Houllier days)

Also, I am reliably informed by a Spurs fan that this was sung a couple of weeks ago to a certain Mr. Mourinho:

Your coat's from Matalan,
Your coat's from Matalan,

Quality stuff. Any others???

Belated FFL update

Sorry for the lateness but my computer, like my team, was fucked. Difference is, my computer's okay now.

No guesses who top scored this weekend, is it? It's always the most impatient one. So, congratulations to Theo with a respectable 14. Our leader (only in the 'points' sense of the word) managed 11, keeping his neck ahead.

Which is what can't be said for my disgraceful bunch of fuckwits, managing another blank for the week which means I've managed 2 points in 3 weeks. As much as I enjoy self-flagellation - I was an altar boy once - this is too much to bear. My Lord, My Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?

...10 minutes later...

I'm okay now. So, here are the scores:

"FFL 2006/07
LEAGUE TABLE"

Total Points
1st James 155
2nd Mike 141
3rd Sid 139
4th Donald 113
5th Theo 105
6th Nick Ath 103
7th Nick Ach 103
8th Rico 82
9th Steve 69
10th Stathi 59

No transfers this week. I sense some fireworks this weekend. The Chelsea v Man United game will finish 0-0, so place your bets now.

What the f...?

Wakey, wakey pal. Its Wednesday night and theres still no FFL update - what the hell is going on? And its not even like I give a damn given that I'm so far off the lead. But the point if we start getting sloppy by posting the FFL results a few days then before you know it you're scratching your balls watching Nuneaton Borough versus Hendon in the FA Cup qualifying rounds with empty pizza boxes lying around and no beer in the fridge...

Alas, poor Rummy...

He will be missed.

Another fucking FFL update

Okay, I'll try to be enthusiastic this time.

A big week for Donald (obviously, with Drogba hat-trick and assist) sees him move up into 4th and to within 33 of the lead. With Gallas grabbing 6 points on Sunday, James keeps some breathing space between himself and the chasing pack. Sid, the closest challenger, only managed 7 points this week as did Mike. My team isn't even worth commenting on at the moment.

I'm spared the blushes this week by Nick PC, who managed an impressive -3 (this season's record low). Thanks pal. What else is there to say? It's all the usual cliches about there being a long way to go, blah blah blah. I would say this though: for some reason, there really seems to be a dearth of quality players left in the pool. Anyway, the scores:

"FFL 2006/07
LEAGUE TABLE"

Total Points
1st James 144
2nd Sid 133
3rd Mike 129
4th Donald 111
5th Nick Ath 103
6th Theo 99
7th Nick Ach 91
8th Rico 71
9th Steve 63
10th Stathi 55

One transfer to report: Mike gets rid of Martins and buys Robbie Keane.

And there goes another week.

Shearer OUT........

The campaign starts here. What is this person doing on Match of the Day? If it wasn't difficult enough staying up on a Saturday night to watch the day's football, we are now confronted by 'Mr Personality'.

What also grates is his hypocrisy. Shearer has no right to talk about incidents where players tangle and attempt to kick / punch each other. Here was a serial elbower and lets not forget about the Lennon incident. If you recall television replays showed Shearer kicking Lennon in the face after the Leicester midfielder brought him down near the touchline. Lennon suffered cuts and bruising to his face. What did Shearer say about it? "I was brought down by Neil Lennon and we both fell clumsily," he said. What a joke……..and a liar.

And he also has no place admonishing players for their overreaction and dissent directed at referees. He was THE worst in this respect and only because he was England captain did he get away with it week in week out, season after season.

Oh, and on last night's show he had the temerity to take the piss out of Andy Cole's goascoring record. In a woeful attempt at humour he said: "…he's 70 odd goals behind me, isn't he?"

Yes, Mr Shearer, 70 goals but also just the 5 Premier League, 2 FA Cup and 1 European Cup medals to show for it. TWAT

The campaign to get Shearer off MOTD starts here! Where was Hansen? Can't the BBC find someone else? Will someone second the motion????

NWAF?*

*No Women At Football

What is the educated and biased opinion on Mike Newell's comments after Saturday's match?

Quotes:

"She shouldn't be here. I know that sounds sexist but I am sexist. This is not park football, so what are women doing here?"

"It is tokenism - for the politically-correct idiots," said Newell.

"We have a problem in this country with political correctness and bringing women into the game is not the way to improve refereeing and officialdom.

"It is absolutely beyond belief. When do we reach a stage when all officials are women because then we are in trouble?

"It is bad enough with the incapable referees and linesmen we have but if you start bringing in women, you have big problems."

Archidia

Forget JT and possible/alleged/my cousin's friend's neighbour says rumours.
Forget Wenger / Pardew handbags.

I cannot believe that anthing, even the above, has managed to allow the fact that our supposed finest player once again confirmed to the world last week that he is a cheating diving toerag to somehow be ignored by our national media.

If that had been a Johnny foreigner who had triple salcoe'd his way to another penalty, we'd never have heard the end of it.

Rooney is a CHEAT. Pure and simple. He doesn't have to do it. Somebody needs to sort it out now.

Lessons in losing

Who remembers Bobby Robson in 2001 after Newcastle beat Arsenal at Highbury, dealing them a bitter blow in the run up to Christmas. Robson said, 'But people have to learn how to lose now and again and a lot of people here have not done so.'

As the French say, 'Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.'

Dwight Yorke, Dwight Yorke

Dwight Yorke, Dwight Yorke

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story???

Apparently on the internet message boards it is alleged that John Terry told Ledley King to 'Shut up you lippy black monkey' before getting sent off on Sunday. This would explain the following:

Why King went mad, when normally he is mild tempered and the incident appeared harmless Why Chimbonda went berserk and had to be physically restrained Why Zakora went mad also Why Drogba, who was there and always gets involved, did nothing Why Terry calmly walked away expecting to be sent off for what appeared on TV to be nothing

Terry was accused by Eto’o of making racist comments in the Barcelona game last year. Apparently a Spurs player has leaked this, but Chelsea are working overtime to keep it quiet

Ashley Cole has said that Poll told him the lack of discipline by Chelsea was out of order and Chelsea are trying to discredit Poll, but he cannot possibly come out and say what Terry did as he is the England captain, preferring to say he was sent off for 'ungentlemanly conduct'.

Finally, Rio Ferdinand said in his book that a current England player was a known racist. Wonder who he meant?

If this story is true, it will be massive and I can't believe the press haven't got hold of it yet. Chelsea must be weighing journalists out left, right and centre

FFL Update

Not the most interesting fantasy league week unless you're Theo and stadily climbing the table. His 15 points (12 of which came from defence) see him rise to 7th and mark a resurgence of sorts. No guesses for the bottom team of the week, a record-matching -1. The gap between himself and James at the top is almost twice his total score. I blame the Ruskies.

"FFL 2006/07
LEAGUE TABLE"

Total Points
1st James 133
2nd Sid 126
3rd Mike 122
4th Nick Ath 103
5th Nick Ach 94
6th Donald 94
7th Theo 86
8th Rico 68
9th Steve 60
10th Stathi 45

Two transfers to report:

Sid gets rid of Zamora and buys Crouch.
Donald buys Evra for Samuel.

I feel a record-breaking score coming on this weekend. "...dedication's what you need..."

Rooney boxing, Ronaldinho playing the accordion and David Villa flying....

You've proabably seen the Rooney one. Click on the link and watch the video's.

I found it funny!

Video Link

Portuguese Peasant Mentality

Whatever you may think of Wenger, Ferguson or Benitez you have to give them this: the odds of hearing them publicly slagging off a former player are pretty remote. The notion of this becomes even more ridiculous if you were to imagine, let us presume, an international and well regarded player who had given 5years loyal service, who was asked to play out of position, was a fan's favourite and through all of this never once even hinted a complaint. Let us further say, this player was so well regarded in fact that even after he had been sold (for a healthy profit) to a European rival was so loved as to be given a 'special award' upon his first return to his former hunting ground...

Step forward Jose 'No Class' Moaninho. Two weeks ago he was shaking Eidue Gudjohnsen's hand amidst the warm applause at Stamford Bridge, earlier this week he was slagging him off as a diving cheat. The man is plainly and simply a tit.

FFL Update

Mike's collar is up to the sky this week after a momentous 16 points (Rooney with 9 of them) propels him to within 12 points of the lead. An uncharacteristically poor week from James - just 3 points - sees a mild concertina at the top of the table. At the bottom, another woeful week for Stathi with 2 points sees him well and truly rooted.

Scores:

Total Points
1st James 126
2nd Sid 121
3rd Mike 114
4th Nick Ath 101
5th Nick Ach 90
6th Donald 86
7th Theo 71
8th Rico 58
9th Steve 58
10th Stathi 46

With no transfers to report this week, that's all there is. 4 days till the next round...

People in glass houses..............

shouldn't throw stones.

Can you beleive this man??

Negativity Annoys Wenger

Is this is the same Wenger who only a short year or so ago decided that the only way to try and win the FA Cup was to be............er..............negative????
He's obviously forgotten about Arsenal's all out attacking policy against United at Cardiff in the 2005 FA Cup Final. You know - the one they never mention even though they won it (on penalties).

What a hypocrite. Not only is he 'not seeing things' he is now forgetting things!!!

To Wenger it is obviously unfair when nasty teams go down to a bright shiny new stadium and actually have a game plan, isn't it?

Mr. Wenger I suggest to take heed of the following: If you can't take the fact that people will try and get results against your side then you have lost the point of a competitive sport that relys on one team trying to get the better of the other within the confines of the laws of the game..............

FFL Update

Okay, back to business. Just what the chasing pack didn't want, a top-scoring week by James, is what they got. Donald matched him with a 15-pointer, but the lead is now stretched to 12 over Sid who managed a respectable 12. Steve's tail-light is now within Stathi's sights, Steve managing a meagre 3 for the week.

So, we're looking like this:

FFL 2006/07
LEAGUE TABLE

Total Points
1st James 123
2nd Sid 111
3rd Mike 98
4th Nick Ath 92
5th Nick Ach 85
6th Donald 83
7th Theo 63
8th Rico 53
9th Steve 51
10th Stathi 44

1 transfer to report: Rico buys Hoyte for Michael Gray.

I've been asked for the updated spreadsheet which I'll e-mail to everyone rather than post all the teams up here. It would be a good idea to save it and mark down all subsequent transfers as they happen.

Bring on another Saturday...

Pill-slippers at the BBC

This is genius. I saw him doing it live a couple of years ago and haven't since been able to take News At Ten seriously.

Only in America?!

This is absolutely class. This is what one American Footballer openly wrote after he discovered he was the WORST rated player in a COMPUTER game!

Click on the link.
LINK

I found it hilarious. The guy is pure comedy but it also got me thinking. What would some of the Premiership stars have to say about thier ratings in games such as Football Manager???

The Titus one: - "Why -157??? Surely I HAVE to have at least a single digit positive number in the defensive awareness rating?"

Roeder: " Zero? What is this thing they call a personality? Oh, ok then."

Ashley Cole: "Look love, just like you in your team, I also have a top cunt rating."

Over to you guys, any others??

P.S I purposly decided against vermin ratings......................

Ha, ha, ha, ha...........

This from one of their own:

LFC RANT

I have to say the inhabitants of the 'City of Culture' outdid themselves yesterday at Old Trafford. So much wit and class. Oh, the humour from those lovable rogues from the North West - singing about 'Munich' and 'runways'.

Now if it was the other way around............................

Blinkered press??

What would have been the press reaction if Rooney or Drogba or Van Persie had 'nibbled' an opponent?

I'll tell you what, in the case our Rooney the likes of Woolnough, Custis, Samuel, Harris & co would have exploded with pharisaic anti-United rage. (it makes a change!!!)

Press rooms all over the country would be in meltdown as the front & back pages go into 'ROO-NATIC!' overload.

Alan Green would have called for a life long banas long at it didn't affect teh national team which the FA would have delivered.

Every News channel in the country would be asking the opinion of media psychiatrists & sports therapists. Each of them telling us how Rooney is a certifiable loose cannon.

As it is Defoe, nothing much has been said..............................or is that the reason why??????!!!!!

P.S I am assuming that this post will elicit a record number of comments

Don't fuck with us

The heavies are being called in over at 101 Great Goals. Even the Beeb are reporting it. I hate these fucking whores. Like their bank accounts are seriously threatened by grainy images from Bulgarian news channels that a few anoraks (like us? like me?) get their kicks out of. Like attendances will suddenly fall. Like people will stop watching Match Of The Day.

It's not about the money. It's about some sad little fuckwits with enormous egos who couldn't really give a shit about football. If there is a hell, it'll be full of these arseholes watching grainy images on tiny screens of everyone else playing football in the Elysian Fields.

Candid Camera Russian Style

Is it real? Is it fake? I've watched this a dozen times and still cant figure it our for sure but I've been told this clip is 100% genuine... If it is I suggest we send Jeremy Beadle to Russia for his next TV show.

Sesame Streets

This has to be watched:

Martin Scorsese's Sesame Street

FFL Update

Not a particularly high-scoring week this week, but one which sees Mike start to stake his claim with a 17-pointer, thanks largely to the most odious man in football who wouldn't look odd with Bob Carolgees's fist up his arse. I'm talking about Diouf, of course. Ominously, James manages 13 points to stretch his lead slightly at the top. With Johnson and Bent playing 90 minutes every week (we know that was the idea James) this strategy could pay off handsomely. But, as if we need reminding, there's a long way to go yet.

Three cheers for Stathi who managed a monumental 7 points this week. Like they say at Sainsbury's, every little counts (or something like that). Rico and Donald suffer the ignominy of bottom-scoring, with 3 points each. Here's the table, with the formatting fucked for some unfathomable reason:

"FFL 2006/07
LEAGUE TABLE"

Total Points
1st James 108
2nd Sid 99
3rd Mike 85
4th Nick Ath 82
5th Nick Ach 75
6th Donald 68
7th Theo 58
8th Steve 48
9th Rico 45
10th Stathi 35

One transfer to report: Mike gets rid of Cech for Cudicini. It was surprising that no one else went in for him, something that Mike obviously anticipated in making a hasty move. A good one though, by the looks of it. Tough luck.

In keeping with the current trend for null transfers, Donald tried to get Nicky Hunt for J Lloyd Samuel. Alas, poor Donald - he's mine.

That wraps it up for this week. Now back to injury-watch for the Champions League matches. I fancy Ballack to tear ankle ligaments, Gallas to pull his hamstring (badly this time), Crouch to get a groin strain and Saha to break his foot.

There, I said it.

World Player of the Year???

Click on the link below.

LINK
A different take on the list that makes up the contenders for this year's FIFA World Player of the Year Award.

The comment for Frank 'deflection and in' Lampard sums up what I also think of the man. A good player, who is out of his depth at the VERY top level. How this player got into the top three last year is beyond me.

What is most galling I suppose is the inclusion of players like Essien, Gattuso, Drogba, Adriano but no place (votes) for Fabregas?

FULL LIST

My vote? Only one - Cannavaro

Transfers

In a bid to propel himself off the bottom, Stathi makes 2 transfers:

- Gael Clichy in for Linvoid Primarse ("it's a tough competition, Linvoid")
- Xabi Alonso for Michael Carrick. You can only wait so long for a sideways pass to be deflected towards goal.

Mike tried to transfer a midfielder (Francis) for a striker (Agbonlahor). Nice try Mike but as two-time champion and ex-Chairman, you disappoint.

These fucking international weeks are duller than Glen Roeder.

Donledley Patterking

Am I the only one who sees Donald instead of Ledley King?

Just for Collars Up

liverpool

A complete hellhole. A town full of sordid, tango-tanned scrubbers and thick, ignorant, aggressive scallies. If you've ever seen the Burt Reynolds film 'Deliverance you'll have some idea what these people are like. These slackjawed, shaven-headed morons (otherwise known as 'friendly, witty scousers') are amongst the most violent and bigoted people on the planet. If you have the misfortune to live here ( and I do), for god's sake don't show any individuality, and try not to be from an ethnic background because they'll very probably kill you. Laughably this dump was awarded 'European City of Culture' for 2008, notwithstanding the fact that its so-called 'culture' consists of the 'Beatles' who left here in 1963 and never came back, and some of the worst clubs on earth playing the cretinous 'scouse-house'.

Here are some tips for fitting in if you have the bad luck to end up here. These tips should ensure survival:
1. wear a tracksuit (women may wear pyjamas)
2. shave your head (women should be bottle blond)
3. develop a guttural whine (both sexes)
4. gob on the floor frequently (experts recommend at least every 10 steps) (both sexes)
5. try not to finish a sentence without using the F word at least fourteen times (again, both sexes)
6. steal anything that isn't nailed down
7. talk in an extremely loud voice (as you're so 'witty' everyone will want to hear your opinions)
8. glare at everyone in a threatening manner, especially students, 'goths' and anyone perceived to be'gay'
9. Call anyone not wearing a tracksuit 'gay' then beat them up 10. tell everyone how 'scousers are the friendliest people in the world aren't they though?

They're stooooooopid as well!!!!

Click on the link for a list of the stupidest places in Britain.

Guess who is number three!!!!!!



THICK VERMIN

Beribeze, beribeze...

There's an 8 minute Garoi special on Youtube which doesn't contain all the best scenes ("...egarfose me o pezevengis...") but does have a scene of absolute genius exactly 6 minutes into it:



The original, which never stops being the funniest thing ever created, is here.

My Yaya could've scored that

The most detestable thing in football?

What would get your vote? Diving? Whinging managers? A lack of foreigners in the Arsenal starting XI?

I don't think I can think of more detestable mixture than Joey Barton. And here's why:

Not only is he a city player but he is also a Scouser! In addition he is a scumbag racist who burns cigars on people, beats up 15 year olds and has a murderer for a brother!

Just the worst mix so for all his sinning what will he get in trouble for (posssibly)? Mooning at the Everton crowd!!! Have the police nothing better to do?
(And no jokes about being subjected to a police probe!)

Check out what psycho said about it: LINK

Another link for teh 'smiling assassin': LINK

Week 5 update

You know it's your year when:

- one of your key players looks like he's fucked his hamstring in mideweek but he miraculously appears in the starting line-up 3 days later.
- your striker scores against your own team and you still win (forthwith known as a 'double 3-pointer' unless anyone can think of anything better).
- your defender doesn't play when his team concedes two goals.
- every single player is contributing and starting every match.

You know it's not your year when:

- you break the record for the lowest score, every single week.
- you buy a defender after he's kept 5 clean sheets in a row and he starts conceding immediately.
- you blow half your budget on the best striker in the world, playing for the best team in the Premiership, and he can't kick a ball straight.
- your full-back just returns from injury, gets injured before half-time and his team goes on to keep a clean sheet.
- you've scored 28 points after 7 weeks and you're already 67 points behind.

A tale of two managers, gentlemen. One is top, the other is bottom.

So, to business. Theo top scores (and how he needed it) with a fairly modest 12, but he's the only player to get into double figures in a frankly pathetic week. No guesses who bottom scored with -1. The table:

1st James 95
2nd Sid 89
3rd Nick Ath 71
4th Mike 68
5th Donald 65
6th Nick Ach 64
7th Theo 52
8th Rico 42
9th Steve 38
10th Stathi 28

Rico went transfer crazy, getting rid of Solano for Speed, Davies for Kanu and Harewood for Baros. Yes, Milan Baros. Maybe he knows something that no one else, including Martin O'Neill, knows.

Also, Nick PC beat your humble blogger and de facto Chairman to Abdullah Meite, getting rid of Silvestre (valued at £4.7m) - no competition for Ooijer (£3.6m) who I am thoroughly bored with. Ooijer bored, in fact (for the benefit of those who missed the gag at the auction).

That's all folks.

Celluloid dreams

It's finally arrived. Watch a trailer here.

And, if you missed it at the cinema, your should rent this immediately. Then explain, in under 20 words, why Pele has to involve himself with that great 21st century humanitarian crisis: the limp cock.

"[He] knows fuck all"

Who is Ray talking about?



Oh yeah, of course.

FFL Week 4

I doubt we've ever had a week before in which all but two teams got into double figures. It all means that very little has changed in terms of position since the two aforementioned teams were at the bottom of the table anyway.

Top score this week, with a respectable-but-not-earth-shattering 18 points, was yours truly. Sid wasn't far behind with 17, closing the gap a little between himself and James. Stathi had yet another disastrous week, managing 3. Sorry to rub it in mate, but that's 10 points since auction day (with Jens Lehmann scoring 6 of them).

So, to the table:

FFL 2006/07 LEAGUE TABLE
		Total Points
1st	James	89
2nd	Sid	81
3rd	Mike	65
4th	Nick Ath	63
5th	Nick Ach	60
6th	Donald	59
7th	Theo	40
8th	Steve	37
9th	Rico	35
10th	Stathi	29

A lead of 8 for James, followed by a gap of 16 between 3rd and 4th. Granted, it's early, but it could be a high-scoring one this season.

There were no transfers this week.

Interesting...VERY INTERESTING!

Remember 101 Great Goals? 'And now Tudor goes down for Newcastle...' Well, there's a new blog with that very name. For the Sids out there, click on 'new blog' to see it. It's on the right hand column of this page too.

Week 3 Table

Just 3 weeks into it and the gap from top to bottom is a gaping 55 points. This one could be over by Christmas. A massive 24 points from James this week sees him leap ahead of Sid (who nevertheless managed a respectable 12) before capping off a real stiffy of a week with the win at Old Trafford. They don't come much better than that. His team amassed 4 clean sheets and only 3 players failed to post a score.

Crap times again for Stathi, with 2 points for the week. Here's the table:

FFL 2006/07 LEAGUE TABLE
		Total Points
1st	James	77
2nd	Sid	65
3rd	Mike	51
4th	Donald	47
5th	Nick Ath	45
6th	Nick Ach	43
7th	Theo	32
8th	Stathi	26
9th	Rico	23
10th	Steve	22

One transfer to report this week:
Stathi gets rid of Konchesky and buys Linvoy Primus. I never thought I'd ever type Linvoy Primus's name, in any context, but there you go.

In case anyone is interested, here's the top team as the scores stand:

TOP TEAM
GK	James	15
FB	Taylor	15
FB	Johnson	12
CB	Campbell	17
CB	Terry	13
MID	Lampard	10
MID	Cahill	8
MID	Giggs	8
MID	Pedersen	7
STR	Johnson	15
STR	Zamora	15

That would make 135 points, even with 4 Portsmouth players in it. Watch them get a hammering soon...

Remember, the comments box is open.

Latest scores

They would look something like this:

FFL 2006/07 LEAGUE TABLE
		Total Points
1st	Sid	53
2nd	James	53
3rd	Mike	40
4th	Nick Ach	37
5th	Nick Ath	36
6th	Donald	35
7th	Theo	27
8th	Stathi	24
9th	Steve	19
10th	Rico	17

Crap at football, but they know...

...how to do bus stops. Officially, according to Buses Magazine, the best bus stop in the country. It's even got its own website.

The many uses of Peter Crouch..................

Remember that pathetic attempt at a volley? You know the one (see above), well it has spawned a new internet game - how many different uses of Peter Crouch:

Number 1:

Number 2:

Number 3:













Number 4:

Even the animals are at it!!!!

From the Liverpool Echo:

Safari park bosses warned visitors to remove England flags from their cars after a group of baboons began stealing them.

The animals have built up a huge collection of flags in the monkey enclosure at Knowsley safari park in Merseyside.

Keepers at the park say the 120-strong troop of baboons have been known to help themselves to windscreen wipers but have now turned their attentions to the World Cup flags.

Safari Park general manager David Ross said: "Many people are wisely removing the flags before they set off on the safari drive.

"However, if they forget the baboons usually take them and they've now built up quite a collection.

"If you think about it, this is hardly surprising. All the baboons were born here on Merseyside."

He continued:

"So they are probably just as football mad as everyone else in the area."

On the march with Mike's army

Bloody hell. I've just noticed that Mike's team (well, one of the three he's entered) is in 141st position and on the leaderboard with only 11 points off the top spot and more transfers left than most teams. Just to put this in context, Stathi's team is in 77,631st place.

A couple of clever transfers Mike, and you could win that coveted tour of Channel 4's offices.

Saddest thing at the World Cup 2

Down to just 3 hours of live football a day now. What's a man supposed to do until 3pm?

Now if I was really sad (as opposed to just sad, which I am), I would watch one game and tape the other that's on simultaneously (ITV4 I think). To avoid hearing the score, I would mute the telly and attach masking tape to the top left hand corner of the screen to obscure live updates.

What am I going to do on the first day without ANY football? (June 28)

How did I ever get through the day without it?

Saddest thing at the World Cup???

Watching Zinedine Zidane has been sad......................

Here is a case of a player who wanted to stretch it a bit too far. Absolutely awesome in his time.

He always held a special place in my mind and I was fortunate to have watched him live at his peak - simply balletic and caressed the ball. He was one of the magical players of his generation.

It must he hard for players like Zidane when they get on a bit - he was so good, but just can't do it anymore.

So lovable eh???

I keep telling people about them..............

Lovable Scousers

Jekyll and (Micah) Hyde

That he is a player of undoubted quality is not in doubt. Thierry Henry is defintiely one of the world's best but bloody 'ell when it matters he does turn into Watford's Micah Hyde - i.e not very good!

Micah Hyde Biography

In the Premierhsip he has no equal and as FFLers we know his value - usually £15m at auction time!

However, what is it with him and BIG occassions? I won't go over the Champions League final, but a reminder of his post match analysis said much about him - loves the plaudits when they come his way but cannot take responisbility when the team loses. Fast forward to the lame French display against Switzerland and who rips into a young international trying to emulate his idols in the French sqaud? Yes it is Thierry laying into poor (but seriously ugly) Frank Ribery

Is it a coincidence that France have only scored one goal in the World Cup since they won it (i.e. since Henry has been the main striker)????

After Subnday's game guess who Henry is blaming? Has he looked in the mirror to tell himself "Thierry, you f***ed up that free header. SHame on you. Thierry, what about that one-on-one chance? You must do better." Did he hell.

In true bottler style he blamed the referee! - Henry Blames Ref

I know I will get slated for saying some of this but I say it as I see it. If only Henry could do the same!

Biorhythms

This is genius. I'm going to buy one today and listen to Radio 5 Live commentary like never before.

Fear the Argies

Fuck me, that 2nd goal was good. According to Jonathan Pearce, 24 passes. Fear them.

Bannockburn and all that

Bloody Scots. 4 years ago, I emerge from my flat in Partick to be swallowed up in a sea of yellow, samba music wafting out of tenement windows. This time round, rum and mango sales have gone through the roof. The question is, what will they do if we play Ecuador? Or Germany? Wear lederhosen?

I was starting to think the Scots had lost all their wit until this gem popped up in response to the Mars "Believe" campaign.



Can't wait to get to Hampden to watch the likes of Lee McCulloch and Kenny Miller next season.

Sickos

So I'm watching Ecuador against Costa Rica, doing a bit of work at the same time (the telly now lives next to my PC), and this question comes rolling in:

I love it when my pet ferret terry nibbles on my helm whilst my hairy lover boris urinates on him is this normal for a fairly normal bloke to do this?

The ferret "Terry" has to be Venables, the Boris is clearly Becker. Who's the "fairly normal bloke" though? It's got to be Jim Rosenthal.

Shake it all about

Maybe I'm the only one who's read the transfer rules to the World Cup FFL game - it's starting to look that way. We're allowed 12 transfers during the group stages. That means you can essentially rotate your team or maintain a squad of sorts. If you look at the leaderboard, those at the top have already used up most of their transfers.

Get with it people.

Shut up, Shearer

If I hear another pundit say something like "If there are any kids watching out there blah blah blah," I'll stop filling in my wallchart. The advice usually involves shooting across the keeper or something else that should be fucking obvious.

And since we're on the subject of pundits, why Leonardo? How random. Who at the BBC thought of getting him in and why? I can understand Ginola or Gullit being drafted in for previous World Cups, even Okocha this time round (ITV - where else), but Leonardo?

Why not, say, Thomas Skuhravy?



Oh. I get it now.

Did I say this game was crap?

Bring it on.

"Give it to me, baby"

The horror, the horror

The table as it stands after 4 days:

Dwight Yorke Trophy World Cup Edition
Manager Team Name Pts
1 Michael Pieri Skill with Will 15
2 Sidney Yanney ElSid Allstars 11
3 Del Pieri Collars Up 11
4 Rico Pieri Das Frechste 9
4 Melena Melena's Men 9
4 Jamie The Shins Of Reina 9
4 Helen Pieri Another Team... 9
8 Stathi Gialetta Allstars 7
9 Nick Dr Mabuse 2

As you can all see, this game is crap. Good idea, but utter crap.

First things first

It would be fitting, I think, to inaugurate this FFL blog by offering congratulations on behalf of the committee to Donald for winning his 2nd FFL Championship this season. [Grudging Applause] A sound defence, goals from everywhere, Steven Gerrard, William Gallas and timely transfers were the key.

This will be the new home our dearly beloved game. The intention is to post the weekly results here as well as any other information both relevant and irrelevant. Like this for example. And this:

Terror leader Abu Musab al Zarqawi was alive when he was identified by American troops after a US airstrike, it has been revealed. The US military said the leader of al Qaeda in Iraq managed to "mumble" a few words to troops before dying. Iraqi soldiers had strapped the Jordanian to a stretcher when they found him among the debris of the safehouse he had been staying in.

...

"Zarqawi attempted to turn away on the stretcher. Everyone
tried to secure him on the stretcher but he died from his wounds." He added: "There was some movement on the stretcher but he died later."

Now I've been wondering what the hell he would've mumbled to the troops before dying. It's been bugging me for a couple of days but after tuning in yesterday, cock in hand it has to be said, to the first match of what will be 5,760 minutes of football in 4 weeks (not counting extra time, injury time, penalties, highlights programmes, conversations about, online quizzes, FFL team management etc), I realised that al-Zarqawi could only have wanted to say "Four years...waited four years...one day to go...just one day to go...bastards...death to Brian McBride."

And the movement on the stretcher? He was reaching for his Saudi Arabia shirt - number 72 with "VIRGINS" on the back.